The Shining Light Inside Me and the Shadows Cast

by Kites

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about

This collection of songs were written and performed by Andrew Evans, Michael Potter, Matthew Evans, Josh McIntee and Mathew Cockill.

credits

released February 11, 2017

Written and recorded by Kites at the Rock Garage.
Guitars recorded by Matt Templeman.
Mixed by Matt Templeman.
Mastered by Simon Struthers.
Keyboards on 'Suffering Other' performed by Henry Topley.

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Kites Perth, Australia

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Track Name: The Lonely Inbetween
As long as there is something in the way,
The light will always fade into nothing.
And as long as there is pain,
We will always find safety and joy.
I can feel the blood in my veins.

A wise friend once said to me that the hardest part of life is the in between states
Reflecting on the past, the mistakes, the happiness, the love and the hate,
When all can change is the future.
And I've found that it's the things that keep you up at night that are the most necessary, however painful they may be.

And right now I am trapped between everything and nothing,
I am a ghost, I am tired, trembling hands
And I know I am not the sunrise nor the sunset
I am the vessel in which they are born

I am trapped
I am trapped between.
(I am trapped between darkness and despair and I can't find a light to guide me home.)
Track Name: Distorted Self
I wake deliriously hungover to a drone
In a funereal space.
I turn the lamp light on,
throw away the blankets.
Stagnant and empty,
The air like warm wine frozen in time,
Filling the space of a chest.
Didn't really get anywhere with that rest.
Sleep hasn't been here in a long time.
Sleep hasn't been here.

Sleep hasn't been here in a long time.
Sleep hasn't been here.
Head rises like a smoke cloud,
With a crack in the neck that's blindingly loud.
Thoughts and memories billow out,
Never found, never cared for again.
I never cared for life at all.
I never cared.

And then comes nothing
And after that a long walk.
Dimmed brightness is a peculiar thing.
It kind of feels like a disease
That fills the trees and their leaves,
The rotting veins of people's lives.
Every human face devoid of any meaningful thing,
Only their tires eyes and their insidious lies.

Or was that only what I perceived.
I still see the monster in me.

Sleep hasn't been here in a long time.
Sleep hasn't been here.
Not even halfway there, wherever there may be
Hunched over the footpath, vomit on the curb.
Every missed moment replaced, thrown out of a gut
All the wasted, forgotten time spilled over a shirt
The airs changed, the worlds a blur.

I've forgotten what it was to feel alive.
I don't remember where I was going
Or what I was meant to be,
But I know the disease was me.

The disease was me.

I feel still
And I'm closing my eyes.
Track Name: I Feel Sick
I stared blankly at the cream colouring of my kitchen wall for thirty seconds, it didn't appear to be there at all.
It felt as if it were kilometres away, even though I could see it there right in front of me. It seemed like a glitch moving back and forth between reality and whatever the opposite of that may be.

I don't feel so sure of anything anymore
I don't feel. I don't feel so sure of anything anymore.

My hands twitching by my side, I continued to stared. Nothing except this dim drone filled my head, constant in its pitch but inconsistent in the way it felt. Sometimes if I concentrate really hard the drone goes away, this feels like an accomplishment to me. The low, aching sound always comes back, nothing is ever really achieved.

I break the stillness with a turn of my head towards the back door. I open it, I move through but I still feel as if I'm in front of the wall. I light a cigarette and its noxious gas immediately fills my lungs. I exhale the poison and feel slightly relieved, as if a small portion of pain has faded away. I can find a small of comfort in the suns rays. The warmth makes me feel like I am where I am. I feel nauseous. I stub out the cigarette and I sit.

I don't feel so sure of anything anymore.
I don't feel. I don't feel so sure of anything anymore

I light another cigarette and observe the smoke playing in the afternoon glow. It creates a shadow against the fence and I wonder how something so beautiful and strange can exist in the absence of light. It is the absence of light. Maybe I am like that smoke. Maybe I am just a fleeting shadow existing merely for the lack of something else. Maybe I should avoid asking questions when I'm alone. I drink some water to try and numb the bitter taste in my mouth.
Track Name: Whimper
I was staring into space wondering why we ask questions
And I thought:

Why do we create? Why do we destroy?
Why do I try to hold it together?
Why did I wake up this morning?
Is the morning of any value at all?
Why burn a cigarette when you can end the pain right away?

Why 3D? Why do we breathe?
Why are the oceans and the sky?
Why me? Why be?
Why uncertainty and anxiety?
Is anything of any value at all?

I think of death so certain in its coming,
But by its nature unknown
What comes after?
I don't wanna let go.
And life so miraculously around, so fragile
And I walk with my feet so lightly on the ground
And I wander about and I wonder about hate and love and gods.
And why is there a why at the end of every human narrative?

I don't want to know the truth behind humankind.

Why leave things unsaid?
But then again, why say anything?
There's no answers.
Nothing makes sense.
Why is the sun? Why are the stars?
Why was anything conceived at all?
And how am I supposed to be when all I feel is the space between the Earth and my feet.
Between the Earth and me.

And I think of the ending moments,
Only seconds before it all falls apart.
Was it worth it to attach myself?
Was it worth it at all to be a part of this unexplainable place?
Was it worth it?

And I think of the ending moments
When the last flames of the world are snuffed out
And all begins to die.
The world will let out its final whimper
And disappear without a trace.
Track Name: Prison Cell Headache
I sit vacant.
I sit silent.
WIth a head aching with dread
And the vague remains of a bittersweet taste
I am nameless.
I am violence.
I am. I am.

Now let me escape
Let me escape my skull.
Let me escape the cage I was given at birth.

With no trust, no idea whats real
Or what has been, whats been made up for me.
What was chosen?
Is nothing chosen?
Am I free? Am I me?
Let the shadows crawl through my head
Write a short note of legacy and love
One that I was never sure was ever mine.
Leave it on the kitchen bench for someone else to find
In one last hope to know that the seeds that grow, will always grow.

My body disappears for a brief moment
And a strange wind howls as my insides dissipate
Into a whirling, endless rainbow of blood and bone
My form returns and the wind blows, brushing my hair against my ear.

My headache grows louder.

Eyes burning, sound blurring
The air tastes like ash in my mouth.
I can hear ringing, I can't stand the sound.
The air turns to ash in my mouth.
I can't stand the sound.
I can't stand myself.

Thoughts race undefined through my mind.
Broken images of happiness and lies.
I can't be sure of anything anymore,
I need certainty .
And I'll surely find it in the outback,
A note hanging from the branch of a tree
That reads: Welcome to where you began.
I begin to walk solemn, crushing strides
To a place that no one will ever find,
To a place outside this prison cell.
I won't let my body be a coffin.
I start coughing from the tar in my lungs.
I smile as I walk.
Can you feel your teeth grind?
I smile as I walk.

The devil inside my mind,
He will leave you blind.
He will leave you bruised and broken.
He will leave you behind.
Track Name: Suffering Other
I spend about ten minutes drawing a picture of a man
WIth a rope sat precariously by his knees that lay heavy on the ground
I've spent about twenty years being alive
with thoughts intentions and feelings,
Making friends,
Falling in love,
And feeling the suns presence in my chest.

And I've spent that last six months
Dwelling in a past of whiskey and blood stains.
Regretting the person I became,
Tasting the pain in the back of my mouth.

Has the life I've lead, lead to where I am
Or was it predetermined by some other universal force
A set of strings that are attached to the rest of existence
Is the voice in my head really my voice?
Is the voice in my head really my voice at all?

What could I have done differently
Was it decided prior to the events?
Was it some lesson taught by some god-like being?
I needed to feel.
I needed to feel.
I needed to feel.

I know I don't know much about nothing
But I know that there's a space for me
And a space for you too.

And I'll spend an indefinite amount of time on this Earth
In the middle of this massive, messy universe.
And I want to see you smile.
I want to see us all smile.
In spite of the darkness that infects this world
And infects my soul.

And I want to thank the Sun for giving me my life, for giving me warmth
And I want to thank the Earth for giving me my home, for giving me air to breathe
And I want to thank my mum and dad for giving me a love to hold onto
And you, suffering Other, you gave me my fear.
I needed fear.

I am still alive.
I can trust you eyes,
I can feel the light.
I can feel the light.