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I sit vacant.
I sit silent.
WIth a head aching with dread
And the vague remains of a bittersweet taste
I am nameless.
I am violence.
I am. I am.

Now let me escape
Let me escape my skull.
Let me escape the cage I was given at birth.

With no trust, no idea whats real
Or what has been, whats been made up for me.
What was chosen?
Is nothing chosen?
Am I free? Am I me?
Let the shadows crawl through my head
Write a short note of legacy and love
One that I was never sure was ever mine.
Leave it on the kitchen bench for someone else to find
In one last hope to know that the seeds that grow, will always grow.

My body disappears for a brief moment
And a strange wind howls as my insides dissipate
Into a whirling, endless rainbow of blood and bone
My form returns and the wind blows, brushing my hair against my ear.

My headache grows louder.

Eyes burning, sound blurring
The air tastes like ash in my mouth.
I can hear ringing, I can't stand the sound.
The air turns to ash in my mouth.
I can't stand the sound.
I can't stand myself.

Thoughts race undefined through my mind.
Broken images of happiness and lies.
I can't be sure of anything anymore,
I need certainty .
And I'll surely find it in the outback,
A note hanging from the branch of a tree
That reads: Welcome to where you began.
I begin to walk solemn, crushing strides
To a place that no one will ever find,
To a place outside this prison cell.
I won't let my body be a coffin.
I start coughing from the tar in my lungs.
I smile as I walk.
Can you feel your teeth grind?
I smile as I walk.

The devil inside my mind,
He will leave you blind.
He will leave you bruised and broken.
He will leave you behind.


from The Shining Light Inside Me and the Shadows Cast, released February 11, 2017



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